| crappiness. |
[21 Jun 2008|06:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 feeling down. |
] |
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Sometimes I think it’s everyone else, but maybe it’s just me. Seriously. I have this “girl” complex and it’s really starting to bother me. Well, it’s always bothered me, but sometimes I think it’s getting worse nowadays. And I really don’t think the kind of person I am helps the situation at all (what with my bad temper and all). Any kind of confrontation with an unfamiliar girl (especially white girls), whether it be an introduction, small conversation, or anything of that nature, makes me nervous. Like I said, maybe it’s just me, but maybe it’s just the way girls are and I just can’t stand it. Any kind of girl, in any kind of situation, makes me feel uncomfortable in some way. I can’t help but think that they’re always judging me, always competing with me, always have a problem with me. I won’t rule out that maybe I’m just being extremely paranoid, but my past experiences just make me believe otherwise.
I guess it all started in middle school, when I was friends with all the “it” girls. Some of them (key word, some) were great, and I never had any problems with them. But most of them drove me insane. Not just because of the usual girly things that I just found annoying, but the drama was just way too much. Even in fucking middle school. Who would have thought there would be such drama, chaos, and depression during middle school years? Well yeah, I experienced that first-hand. Endless he-said-she-said bullshit, jealousy, confrontations, fights, backstabbing, boyfriend stealing, gossiping, and sometimes I wasn’t even part of it. But since my friends were involved, so was I. And shit, sometimes I was a part of it; that was the worst. After constant trips to the guidance counselor and so many tears shed, my self-esteem and understanding of friendship was shattered. I was determined to never be friends with those kinds of girls again. And I kept my word.
When I started high school, things were definitely different, and for the better. I became friends with completely different kinds of people; people who were more like me. This made me feel optimistic because I finally started to feel a new and better kind of friendship. I didn’t have to deal with that drama shit anymore, I finally found friends who understood me, or so I thought. But then old problems arose: jealousy and depression. As much of great friendships I’ve built with these “different” kinds of girls, it seemed like the same problems were happening, except in new ways. They grew jealous of me in one way or another (and I didn’t assume this, they actually confessed this to me). I know girls always think that other girls are jealous of them, but they seriously told this to me. They always threw their jealousy in my face as if it was my fault, and if I would try to comfort them, they wouldn’t want to listen. At a certain point I didn’t know what else to do and it started to really bother me, so after a while disagreements turned into arguments, and arguments turned into fights. I realized my friendships were suffering again, and at this point I was tired of it and decided to find new friends.
This was the turning point of my perception of friendship and I was careful to choose whom I was going to be friends with. This was the time when I became friends with guys. I noticed that guys have such a different mentality and a different way of thinking. And I soon realized that I had more things in common with guys (i.e. video games, fart jokes, not taking everything so seriously). Sooner or later all of my friends consisted of the opposite sex. I virtually didn’t have any female friends at all, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. After all the shit I’d gone through, why would I care? But that soon turned out to be a mess.
The good thing about being friends with guys is the camaraderie, the overwhelming feeling of comfort, and the reassuring feeling that I could be myself with no one having a problem with it. The bad thing about being friends with guys is that lingering, paranoid feeling that maybe they’re just friends with me because they want to get in my pants. And yes, that’s happened on more than one occasion. I’ve come to find that several of my guy friends that I thought I was really close with and that I confided in just thought I was hot and had “crushes” on me. Let’s just say that once I found out, those friendships were never the same again. It was heartbreaking because I thought I finally found my kind of people, but now I wasn’t so sure anymore. But despite those incidents, most of my friendships with guys have proved to be more fulfilling than my past friendships with girls.
When I started college, I thought maybe things would be different (again). This time I’d meet completely new people who weren’t from my hometown, and I was also excited because I’d finally meet people who were artists just like me. Can’t go wrong, right? Wrong. Well, since I’d already suffered from so much bullshit before, my trust in others dwindled and I slowly became shy among people and more antisocial. I did end up making a few new friends, but only a few (the fact that I didn’t live on campus didn’t help). And after 3 years of attending this college, I can only count 2 friends that remain. Just two. One of them happens to be a girl. And for once I think I finally found the only girl (besides my sister of course) that I not only can stand, but I freaking love her. For once, she’s not your average girl who complains about everything or is jealous or tries to compete with me or anything. She just, is. And that’s what I love about her! But of course, I can’t have it all, because she ended up dropping out of school and moving far from me. We’re still in touch and she still visits me once in a while, and every time she does we have the time of our lives. Hopefully soon she’ll move closer to me again. But yeah, that’s about it with the college friends. Even this past semester I found myself gravitating towards the boys in my class because I felt more comfortable around them and I figured I’d have more in common with them. Sigh.
The truth is, as much as I despise most girls and I try to stay away from them, I miss the kind of friendship they offer. I miss talking about boys and sex (cause yeah, you can’t really do that with guy friends unless they’re gay, haha), and I miss having that general, female understanding of things. I’ve recently got in touch with an old girl friend from high school and we’ve been hanging out every once in a while (mostly because now we’re both stoners, more grown up, and have reconciled our past differences). But it’s only once in a while. She has her own life and so do I, so it’s a slow thing. But I eventually want to be close with her again because I’ll be honest: despite the ugliness we’ve had before in high school, I miss the crap out of her. We’re both over it and now we’re in a different stage of our lives so I feel like we can start over again. But like I said, we have our own lives so it won’t be as quick or as close as I’d want it to be.
After all these things that I’ve talked about it would seem like I’m the victim. But I’m not trying to convey that. This is just how I’ve perceive these experiences, that’s all. A perfect recent example is one of my sister’s friends. She seemed cool when I met her until I got that “vibe” from her. But I didn’t care, I still pretty much acted like myself. Then my sister told me that she thought I didn’t like her. You see what I mean? I just acted like myself and girls just assume shit. Then just yesterday when a bunch of us hung out: I have a strange sense of humor that I guess some girls don’t find amusing. I told a hilarious fart story and was told that that same girl had a disgusted look on her face and didn’t find it funny at all. I’m sure it was nothing personal, but that’s just the kind of reaction that makes me feel like I was acting like an idiot and now I have to think about what I should say and not say in front of her, or girls like her. That’s the same kind of reaction that makes me nervous in front of girls in the first place and perpetuates my feeling towards females.
Again, maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’ve been through so much drama bullshit that I’m just paranoid. Maybe I get so nervous that I end up saying the wrong thing and fuck it up for myself. Maybe I’m just a hypocrite and act the way all these girls act too and just don’t realize it. This is why this whole thing has been bothering me more than usual lately. I guess I should seek someone’s opinion and find an answer. But for now I guess I’ll just try to find a way to deal with it. It just fucking sucks sometimes.
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| oh they have the internet on computers now! |
[16 Jun 2008|07:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 yeah son! |
] |
so an update on a few recent things:
my brother's graduation party was 2 saturdays ago, and it was pretty awesome! it was hot as balls, but that's okay, we all just got drunk and went swimming, haha. i'm really proud of him, he finally graduated from the University of the Arts with a bachelor's degree in illustration (which i will also have in about 2 years!). so yeah, good stuff.
eddie's 20th birthday was last wednesday and we just hung out at home and had some beers. fun stuff. i wish i could have given him more, but i've been broke like a motha fucka lately. we've all been broke pretty much, even eddie who has a job but it's so crappy that he might as well not be working. good news is that eddie got offered a MUCH better paying job at his mom's work in moorestown. so he won't have to pay for so much gas or toll to go work at a dead end job in philly. and i just got called for an interview to go back to pac sun. it's next week, and hopefully i'll start working there again soon. i mean, why wouldn't they hire someone who's already worked there before? and i'd be working alongside daverozzo. holla.
aaaaand i'm most likely going to california in late july. at first i thought i wasn't gonna be able to go anymore because airline tickets were so goddamn expensive. but my mom was able to find tickets for cheap! the only thing is that it goes to orange county instead of san diego, but it's okay cause it's only a drive away from my cousin's house. word son!
well...i guess that's it for now. love peace and chicken grease <3
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| early summer madness! |
[28 May 2008|01:04am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 awake |
] |
okay let's see...
well school ended on may 16. FINALLY! i thought it would never end. it was a fun but tough year. here are my results!
Abnormal Psychology: B
Figure Utilization: A-
Design Methods: A
Illustration Methods: C+
i was happy with most of my grades, except for patch's class (illustration methods). i was actually quite infuriated by it. sure, it's a C, and most of the time i don't care if i get a C (because it's usually in a liberal arts class that i don't give a shit about). but this was one of my studio classes, quite possibly the most important class throughout my junior year. and the other thing is, a C+ may be okay in some schools, but in my school, any grade lower than that (even a C-) counts as a failing grade. so i barely passed. which is bullshit. it's bullshit because i busted my ass for that class and i ended up producing my best piece by far just for that class. and the only reason i got that grade was because i got "4" absences. Three absences are supposed to be the limit and then you're threatened to be failed. well i knew i had three and that's it. But my stupid teacher (even though he's cool, he can be a follow-the-rules tight-ass nerd) counted 2 lateness that i had as one more absence. and THAT was the only reason i got that C+. i mean, he even told me himself that if it weren't for the absences i would have had a better grade. ugh that DORK!! none of my other teachers (NOT ONE) ever took that stupid absence rule too seriously and i was fine. but of course, there had to be that ONE teacher for that one class that had to fuck it all up. and now my GPA is lower cause of it. it's still a decent GPA and i shouldn't really complain too much. but still. ugh. anyway...
so i finally moved out of my apartment this past saturday. it was bittersweet because although i couldn't wait to get away from asshole philly drivers, those stupid russian neighbors who lived upstairs, and be closer to center city, friends, and family...i was definitely gonna miss the freedom. sure, we were struggling with money and sometimes it was annoying to have to drive a half hour to get to places, but i'm definitely gonna miss being able to smoke freely whenever i want, go out whenever i want without people asking where i'm going, who i'll be with, when i'm coming back... i'm gonna miss not having to argue about who's going to cook, who's going to wash the dishes, and so on and so forth. but on the other end, it'll be nice to not have to worry about rent or major bills and stuff. so...whatever. i'm glad to be back in jersey. home is where the heart is, and i'll be a jersey girl till i die.
anyway, that's all for now. love peace and chicken grease!
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| newness! |
[05 May 2008|11:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
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chill. |
] |
okay so this is week is exam week, next week is final crits. i love it when they do this, it gives me nice off time. all i had this week was my abnormal psych exam, which i just finished taking about an hour ago. wasn't too bad, i felt pretty confident about it. plus i got an A on my paper, which i did on drugs and the effects they have on the mind. good stuff. other than that, my week is free! of course i'm gonna work on stuff for my final crits, but it's not too much. it'll pass by so fast, kinda like this school year did.
i can't believe it's already may (happy cinco de mayo, you crazy mexicans and crazy americans who want another excuse to get drunk!)... another few more weeks of living in this apartment. i'm gonna miss it, but then again...meh, haha. i just don't look forward to moving all our shit again. ugh.
on another note, denise randomly told me the other day that she got us tickets to see 311 and Snoop Dogg. (I know, 311 and Snoop Dogg...hahaha!) i didn't even think i was gonna be able to go because i'm so broke, but her friend bought the tickets for her as a gift. freakin sweeet!!! this is going to be the concert of the summer. could you just imagine the crowd it's gonna draw? stoners and gangstas together...only way thats gonna work is with lots and lots of bud...which of course will be everywhere you look, hahaha. it's gonna be so great.
anyway, thats pretty much all i got to say right now. love peace and chicken grease! <3
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| recent craziness! |
[23 Apr 2008|02:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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yeah son. |
] |
so this past weekend was 4/20, and let me tell you, it was great. first of all my wonderful denise came up to visit last thursday to join the celebration. (and she's still here, i kidnapped her...) i decided to make special brownies for the occasion, so i researched the recipe on cooking weed with vegetable oil, then using that oil for the brownie recipe. when i first mixed the bud in the oil, it seemed to be going fine and the smell was definitely strong. but then a minute later the strong weed smell quickly changed to a burning smell. denise had to help me so that i wouldn't burn it. we managed to salvage it and the brownies turned out to be a success! yay! (and they were quite scrumptious, might i add..)
saturday night i had my bro, yemili, shannon, and katie green over. we had a grand abundance of brownies, blunts, and beer. it was so much fun. everyone was exceptionally high. seriously. not just ha-ha high, but seriously high. even my sister, who ate 2 brownies but didn't smoke at all, was having stoner moments. we were playing Kings (circle of death) and no one paid attention for more than 5 minutes at a time. then we had the most irrelevant conversations, such as: what if there was an 8th day of the week? what would it be called? SHMONDAY!!! it was hilarious. then we all ended up watching a bunch of episodes of simpsons on dvd (cause when you're high, simpsons never lets you down), haha. twas a fun, fun night!
then sunday afternoon eddie, denise, and i decided to eat leftover brownies, roll up a blunt, and take a mini road trip to Sonic (the drive-in!). i swear man, eating there is like experiencing a tiny bit of heaven. especially when you got the munchies. it definitely hits the spot, haha. then later on that night kort called us up and we headed over to center city to hang out with him and dave carson. more blunts. god, it was just like blunts galore! oh man good times. :)
gotta love 4/20. usually my four-twenties aren't very eventful. i guess as long as i'm baked all day i'm okay. but this time was definitely ten times better! the brownies definitely made 4/20 this year. i can't wait to cook with weed again! it's such a cool alternative to smoking, sometimes it's nice to take a break from inhaling smoke and feeling that burn in your throat and lungs. sometimes it's nice to be able to get incredibly stoned just from eating a delicious treat! maybe next time i'll make some special cookies...
love peace and chicken grease!
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| few new things |
[31 Mar 2008|05:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 hungry |
] |
my bro's 25th birthday was last friday. it was fun, me and eddie went to my parents' house to party. angel, danny, beth, and daverozzo came over. it was just the few of us but we made the most of it. the best part was the karaoke singing. my brother thought it would be a fun idea if we all sang some karaoke. at first nobody was doing it, but then i started searching for band songs as opposed to actual singy songs that my bro and i could do. finally i picked Break on Through by The Doors and danny got so excited that we both ended up singing a bajillion more. after a while everyone else left and it was just me and danny constantly singing Doors songs. haha it was a rare occasion. then everyone eventually came back to sing with us. (except eddie fell asleep and dave just sat back and laughed at us). at one point beth was so fucked up that she accidentally sat on dave's beer and crushed it with her ass! the funniest part was that the beer was still inside the crushed can! haha good times. we were having so much fun singing stupid disney songs and everything that we didn't even realize how late it got. eddie and i didn't even leave until like 4:30 am. its wonderful when drunk people come together and sing like a bunch of idiots. (and i wasn't even buzzed!) hahahaha!
hmm, let's see. well kort moved. he's no longer at the legendary 16th and bainbridge. he's now on bridge st, which is actually closer to me! he had a house-warming party, but i didnt go. i tried to, but it's difficult when you don't know the address haha. i tried to call him, but it just went straight to voicemail. surprise, surprise. thats one of the reasons why i barely hang out with kort anymore, i can never get a hold of him!! which is odd...it reminds me of the time when denise came up to visit. we went to center city to hang out with some friends, including kort, and each time i called him he never picked up. but the FIRST time denise called him from her phone he picked up after the first freakin ring! what is up with that?? hmm...i'm sure it's unintentional... haha but anyway whatever, there will be plenty of chances to chill in the future.
well anyway, nothing else too exciting. i just wanted to share a few irrelevant things just so i could put something in my journal. ha.
laterrrrrr
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| thoughts on my mind... |
[10 Mar 2008|01:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
well eddie got his old job back at Eppie's. The good thing is that he got the job back right away and this place allows overtime. the bad thing is that the pay is less, and very little at that. but oh well, at least it's better than nothing. besides, he just called me today and told me he has an interview with Goodyear this thursday. we'll see how that goes. maiela also started getting her unemployment checks so that's another good thing.
but despite all this, we finally decided that it'll be best for the three of us to just move out. we're going to hand in our two-months notice (plus all those fees and crap) this week and we're gonna be out of here by the end of may. it's gonna suck having to live with my parents again. but we talked to them, and they told us that me and eddie will have a room together. and also, since we'll be helping them with bills and rent and stuff, they'll pretty much let us do whatever we want. of course, we'd still have to do chores and stuff, and me and eddie will definitely have to "sneak around" with our smoking again...i mean, it still is my parents' house. But it won't be that restricting at all. besides, i realized that this coming school year i'm going to want to focus on my senior year work and i won't want anything unnecessary to distract me, such as rent and utility bills and a far commute. plus i still have resources at my parents' house that i could really use for school...such as a scanner, color printer, a 24-hour kinkos thats like 10 min away. believe me, those little things matter a lot more than you think.
anyway, i saw this very disturbing but informative video the other day and i wanted to share. i think its something everyone should know about.
yeah. intense. changed the way i saw certain things. i'll just let you all sit and think about this. and do me a favor too, spread this to everyone you know! and research it on your own if you want, too!
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| yeah... |
[28 Feb 2008|06:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
okay, let's see...whats new...
well, eddie lost his job so now all three of us are unemployed...and rent is due this week. i'm lucky that i got a refund check from my school and i'm still collecting unemployment...but i'm already running out of the money from the refund check and mu unemployment is gonna run out in about 2 months. my sister's pretty much broke...she's been doing some pet sitting jobs and she's gonna start collecting unemployment also, but now eddie is broke and needs to find a job as soon as he can. this worries me...alot. i don't think we're gonna make it anymore...we might have to just move out. and the worst part is that moving to this specific apartment wasn't even our idea...it was vicki's!! she was the one who NEEDED to move out as soon as possible, and the rest of us weren't financially ready...eddie and i even backed out at one point because we were doubtful about the whole thing. then maiela and vicki (especially) convinced us to do it by promising us that we didn't have to pay our full amount of rent. basically promised us comfort. so like naive youngins, we went for it, despite everything everyone was telling us. everyone had told us "you never know, one of you guys might break up and then you'll be struggling with money, it's not worth it, etc etc."
so of course, it happened, just like everyone said. maiela broke up with vicki, vicki moved out, and like a chain reaction maiela lost her job, then eddie lost his job, and now we're stuck in this mess. and what's even worse, eddie got arrested today because of a warrant for a ticket. i had to go to the police station and bail him out for $500. GOD DAMN IT! i could've used that freaking money for rent, or bills, or something that has value! i mean he was just super lucky that i was able to get the money...and i had to take it out of my savings. oh how fun this is turning out to be.
this shit sucks balls man. i really think we're gonna have to move out in a few months if things don't change. and if that happens that means we'd have to move back to my parents' house, which i really hope doesn't happen. i mean, its not my parents or anything, its just that that house is too freaking small and living with certain people in that house is very grating. sigh. i guess we'll see what happens.
on a lighter note: i found out that one of my friends from high school met incubus!! DUDE!!! he's as much of a fan as i am. so i talked him the other day and we were talking about the concerts they had in august. he told me he went to both shows in philly and at the second show he and his friends snuck their way into the VIP room and sure enough, they met incubus! he told me all about it, how all their personalities were. he said they were all cool, except that Brandon catered more to the ladies which i guess disappointed him. but anyway, he told me to check out his facebook for proof. i checked them out and there it was! a picture of him and his friends with brandon boyd. the reason i'm mentioning this story is because I WAS AT THAT SHOW!!!! me and denise were at that show! and when he told me how he was able to meet them, it made me realize that me and denise soooooo could've done the same thing! my friend told me that they just went for it and that was it. so i think that's what i'll do next time. just go for it and don't even think about it. okay enough with my nerdyness.
love peace and chicken grease.
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| craziness! |
[03 Feb 2008|11:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chill |
] |
so wednesday was okay. class went by fine and i went to kort's afterwards. dave was there and we watched biodome, good movie! anyway, i was on my way home when my car broke down, right in the intersection of 16th and bainbridge. some people helped me move it aside so i wouldn't block traffic. turns out one of the guys was a crackhead. i could tell because his clothes were kinda scruffy and he really looked like tyronne biggums! he actually had white powdery stuff on his lips and snot running down his nose, it was so gross. then he lingered next to my car, trying to help me find jumper cables. finally i told him i'd call someone and that i would be okay. he said "okay...got any spare change?" the first thought in my head was fucking crackhead. i just gave him the spare change i had in my car (which wasn't much) but i thanked him for helping me and apologized for not having anything else. when i gave it to him, he looked and it let out a disappointed sigh, then walked away. god, what an ungrateful bastard! fucking crackhead thinks he deserves some kind of reward for helping someone. ugh. anyway, yeah now my car is un-usable, which sucks because now i have to rely on rides and trains to get to school. fun. damn this sucks!
the good thing is that denise came to visit this weekend! she's still here, but she's leaving tomorrow. we had so much fun! she came thursday night, friday night we just baked out and watched movies since it was all rainy. saturday we went down to center city to grab a bite to eat and meet up with friends. denise saw an old friend by chance and we ended up hanging out with her later that night (after getting sushi and chillin at kort's and steve's). turns out she's also an illustration major, and i've seen her around before but never got to know her until now. she's mad cool! she hooked us up with 3 hits of acid, which denise, eddie, and i took later that night. it wasnt very strong. we didn't trip or anything, we just felt very very high. which is totally fine, but next time i get acid, i wanna make sure it's potent enough to take me to an alternate reality. that'd be nice..
oh, on another note. my teacher ian, you know, the one who wanted to hang out with me? well he had expressed to me (a lot) how much he wanted to see me. after a while it was beginning to get a little weird, so this time i really did try to play it off. i said maybe we'd hang out in the weekend, but i wasn't sure yet. then denise came up so figured i'd just hang out with her, no biggie. when ian asked me what i was doing this weekend, i explained to him that my friend was visiting from virginia. then he said "you made a plan with me and invited a friend? i understand." then i said, "well, our plans were never for sure! sorry, i feel bad now" he then said "honestly, you should. i want you!" after that i was like geez, this guy is really pushing it. i then told him "you know my situation" which then he replied, "i'm not expecting you to change it. i still want you!" this was getting ridiculous. i then said, "i know, but i thought we were just gonna be friends?" he then had the nerve to say no and i finally responded with, "well i can't do that, sorry." then i never heard from him again. fine with me. if he showed that much aggression after just a week of just talking to him through text messages, imagine how it would be if it were more serious! geeeeeeez! besides, after a while it did pretty much creep me out, mostly cause the age thing. then there's more!!! turns out that denise's friend also had him as a teacher last semester. i decided to tell her what happened because i thought it was a crazy story. i just laughed and denise told her, "oh man has she got a story for you!" before i even said anything her friend asked, "oh my god, do you have a creepy story about him too?" my jaw just dropped and i just busted out laughing. before even telling my story i asked her what happened with her, and she told me that during the semester he had invited her to his hotel room and told her to bring her friend. she also told me that he had left her a voicemail once late at night saying something like "hey, it's pretty lonely over here, etc" DUDE! CREEPY! i mean, dude. i told her my story and she was like "ew, yeah he's creepy!"
haha. oh man. crazy shit.
but other than that, i had a fun weekend! i had missed denise so much! i'm glad she had a good time being in philly again. next thing up on the list: SAN DIEGO! haha can't wait!
well okay, i guess that's it for now. love peace and chicken grease!
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| recent happenings... |
[18 Jan 2008|03:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chillin |
] |
so its been a few weeks since i last updated...
New Year's Eve was pretty awesome. Eddie and i went to my parents house because they went out and let my brother throw a party there. Only a few good people showed up, but thats okay because we still had plenty of alcohol and lotsa fun. i still intend to keep my new year's resolution (diet and exercise) but it's a lot harder than i thought...of course.
so i think the most recent and big change that happened this month was maiela and vicki's relationship, which is now non-existent. vicki is moving all her stuff out of the apartment on saturday. which means now its up to me, maiela, and eddie to take care of rent and bills and stuff, which means its gonna be a big kick in the ass. And since we have to keep our money reeeeeally tight now, this also means me and eddie have to cut back on smoking, for real. we don't really have a choice in the matter, so its gonna be hard at first. Did you notice this wonderful chain reaction? (haha)
but you know what? i'd rather have it this way. i want to see my sister happy with her life, not suffocating or trapped or whatever (which i have seen). it'll be hard, but we'll make it. in a way, it'll be more stressful with money and whatnot, but in another way we'll be stress free from tension and awkwardness (especially maiela).
denise told me she's gonna be coming up to philly soon to visit. i'm excited! i havent seen her since the incubus concerts! it shall be a good time.
well i guess thats it for now...love peace and chicken grease!
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| and now 2007 comes to an end... (long entry) |
[31 Dec 2007|12:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 excited |
] |
my christmas was pretty good this year. eddie spent it with my family and me on christmas eve and i spent it with his mom and her boyfriend's family on christmas day. his mom was actually really cool with me and got me a nice little thoughtful gift. i also got cool dvds and clothes, etc. good stuff.
anyway none of that stuff compares to what i really wanted for christmas: a plane ticket to San Diego (for the summertime). my folks havent gotten that for me yet but they had promised it. i just have to wait because coincidentally my parents are most likely sending my brother and yemili to London in june as a graduation gift. but i shall still go!
all this excitement about going to San Diego has really made me think...hot weather, beautiful beaches, hot surfers, beautiful people!!! even if i go out with my cousin out there i'd still feel insecure because she's had two kids and has a killer body. i HAVE to go there lookin good. which is the prime motivation for my new year's resolution. i am going to start exercising regularly and give up fast food for a while. it's gonna be tough, but i'm really serious this time. looking good for my first california visit is enough to motivate me. oh, and to look good for the boyfriend as well...ha!
speaking of new year's...oh man was this some year. probably one of the best in a good while. i have to look back and reflect (briefly) on the last 12 months...
the first few months kinda whizzed by, but i definitely remember spring break in march. my trip to florida was a real good one. i sure miss it, and my cousins too. i experienced my second half of sophomore year at UArts. i really miss Tom's pictorial foundation class, it really inspired me and i also met cool and talented people. ken's photo class was fun simply for the fact that since it was on a friday we almost always got out of class early. i was kinda saddened by denise's sudden change of heart to move out of philly (and her psycho ex boyfriend didn't help). she was the only friend i really became close with from UArts. but i don't blame her. she just had to do what she had to do. by then i really had run out of friends due to busy lifestyles and shady people. it was so reassuring just having eddie constantly by my side. he was there for everything this year. this past summer was a lot of fun. even though i didn't go anywhere special (just the shore and six flags once), eddie and i made it fun. the 311 concert was awesome and the incubus concerts were...orgasmic, haha.
then just 4 days after my 20th birthday i got my first taste of independence. moving into my apartment was the most life-changing experience for me so far (duh). but it has been a good one as well. of course my roommates and i have bumped heads but what roommates haven't? for the most part we get along and try to work together to make it comfortable for everyone, and that's all that matters.
i entered the first half of my junior year at UArts, and i gotta say, it wasn't bad at all. my teachers were good, the classes were good, and the semester went by smoothly. even though i procrastinated my way this semester (which is the last time!!), i still did okay and i'm determined to do better next semester.
on thanksgiving eddie adopted an adorable little kitten and named her Shadow. she was a little stray that wandered onto my parents' yard and was very needy. my dad had given her some food and water but didn't want to let her in. so all that night she was meowing for someone to let her in and she kept trying to run into the house when someone opened the door. later on that night eddie was outside by himself smoking a cigarette and the kitty was super friendly to him. he couldn't resist and decided to take her home that same night. so now we have an addition to the family! her and Luna get along so well, it's so sweet. <3
oh yeah, and after a year and a half of faithful service (and pointless, stress-inducing, nauseating drama) Worldwide Wholesale Floor Coverings in Cherry Hill went out of business (what a surprise..) and i was out of a job...again. talk about deja vu! but whatever, collecting unemployment is the coolest thing..ever!! i know i eventually have to get a job again (eventually meaning very soon!) but i'm trying to enjoy my jobless life as much as i can before i surrender my free time and sleep forever.
things with family have never been better. my bro and yemili are really putting their lives in a new perspective ever since her mother's passing (R.I.P. Milagros), maiela and vicki are working on their relationship which is something i'm glad to see, and my parents seem to be very happy, with each other and with everyone else. and of course, i'm so thankful for having a boyfriend like Eddie. he is the kindest, sweetest, most loving, caring, thoughtful person i've ever met. not to mention how fun he is! he has been there for me through thick and thin and we already have so many memories together. he is such a great guy that he's practically part of the family. i love everything about him, and i really think i love him more and more everyday. <3 <3
well that's about it for now. i must go now and get well rested for the kick-ass kegger we're having at my house for new years tomorrow!! happy new years everyone!!! hope you enjoyed 2007 as much as i did! love peace and chicken grease!!
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| oh boy time to update! |
[17 Dec 2007|02:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chillin |
] |
i think the last time i updated this i was sick and miserable. but luckily, i got better (just in time for thanksgiving too!). so here's what has happened since then:
even though i was behind by 3 weeks, i managed to catch up with all my school work and i finished the semester last week. my grades were pretty good, i'm proud of myself!
Adult Psychology: A
Voice for Non-Majors: A-
Figure Communication (Joe's class): B
Illustration Methods (Ian's class): B+
Religion, Art & the Apocalypse: C+
and my current GPA is 3.2. yeah..pretty sweet.
i just have to point out what happened during my crit with Ian (my hot teacher). turns out he won't be at UArts next semester, he was just a temporary fill-in for our original teacher. this was mostly how the conversation went:
MO: "Will you be here next semester?"
ID: "Unfortunately, no I won't"
MO: "Aw, that's such a shame.."
ID: "Yeah, I know...well you have all my information, don't you? just call me sometime...?"
MO: "Really?"
ID: "Yeah, I mean...you have my number, right?"
MO: "Yeah, I do.."
ID: "Well call me sometime!"
MO: "Okay, I'll call you up and we can go dancing!" (jokingly)
ID: "Yeah, definitely!"
MO: "Wait, seriously?"
ID: "Yeah, seriously! just give me a call!"
MO: "Okay!"
then we said goodbye and that was the end of my crit. interesting, huh? my teacher was mackin it with me, hahahahaha! it's great that he's hot, because any other time that would have been kinda creepy. aw man if i was single i'd soooooooo give him a call. i bet it would be awesome dancing to spanish music with that guy. sure he's almost 40, but it's nice to fantasize. i mean...he certainly doesn't look his age. black hair, bright blue eyes, olive skin, fit body (cause he does kung fu!!) and really cool personality...haaaayyyy! but like i said, it's just nice to fantasize. that whole conversation at my crit was good enough for me...just to know that he seriously wanted me to call him to go out was enough to satisfy me. mmm hot for teacher...haha.
okay, enough about that. i also wanted to update what i did this past weekend.
so shannon called me up to hang out. (yeah, shannon rock!! it's been FOREVER!!!!) she came over friday night and so did my bro. me, eddie, my bro, vicki, and shannon all hung out. we blazed, watched superbad, blazed again, played a few rounds of beer pong, blazed some more, and played a few rounds of asshole and kings. we all got so delightfully sauced that somehow a conversation sprang up about Sonic, the fast food restaurant. we talked about how they always show commercials on tv and how the food looks so delicious but there are absolutely NO Sonics anywhere nearby. then we found out that the closest one to my apartment was in Morgantown, PA...over an hour away. then Shannon had a wonderful idea of taking a little trip there the next day, since she was spending the night, and i respectfully agreed! So of course, the next day we headed for Morgantown with our bud and ambitions, in hopes to arrive to a wonderful drive-in heaven, a la Harold and Kumar. the ride there was so great. shannon and i smoked a nice joint and talked about almost everything. we picked up where we last left off, which was a gap of practically five years. but honestly, chillin with her like that again brought back a lot of good memories and it felt like nothing had ever happened. We also then realized that the reason we stopped being friends in the first place (back in high school) was a very stupid one. We are both older now and think differently about things, so hopefully this time our friendship will last. i'm really glad we did all that. and in the end, the ride was totally worth it...Sonic's food was absolutely amazing. it was orgasmic. i'd definitely do it again.
anyway, thats all i have to share right now. love peace and chicken grease!
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| this fucking sucks. |
[17 Nov 2007|03:44pm] |
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mood |
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 miserable. |
] |
so i've been sick and out of school for a week now, still going to miss school for a few more days...probably right up until thanksgiving. in a way, its nice because i don't have to wake up early and i can just relax at home. but other than that...its TORTURE.
i had a bad fever and it caused my mouth to break out with a bunch of fever blisters. this is the first time this has happened to me so i kinda waited too long before i went to the doctor, and it got worse and worse each day. it went from a few little cold sores to...well i don't even want to describe it because it's too gross. let's just say i can't open my mouth all the way and i havent really eaten a decent meal in a few days. i can't talk right, i can't really eat solid food, and i can't even smile or laugh because it hurts too much. i'm telling you, this is FUCKING TORTURE.
hmm...let's see...the only decent meals i've had all week were...ground beef, rice & beans that maiela cooked for dinner on monday...and chicken nuggets with fries on thursday. both those meals took me an hour or more to finish because i literally had to eat a tiny bite each time. other than that i've been surviving on glasses of milk, ginger ale, sprite, and chicken broth--through a straw. what really pisses me off is that my doctor knew that this was the first time this has happened to me and didn't tell me SHIT about what i should do about food, treatment, and what to expect. he only gave me prescriptions for my medicines and joked around saying "well you're not kissing anyone for thanksgiving!" hardy-fucking-har. then i asked him if i'll even be able to eat on thanksgiving. he joked again and said "sure, in a room all by yourself!" (because it's contagious.) ugh. i have a good sense of humor, but come on. thats just not cool. my dad researched the disease and HE was the one who gave me all the information and what i can eat if i can't eat solid foods. my dad should be a freaking doctor.
i guess i'm just ranting about all this because i've been stuck at home all week with nothing to do except sit around and watch tv. and i'm soooooo sick of it! last night eddie's mom was in the area and she took him out for dinner. i would've come along but i can't eat like a normal person right now, not to mention i don't really WANT to step foot outside my apartment because i look like a decomposing body right now. i know people would stare and get disgusted. i get disgusted just looking in the mirror. sigh... tonight is lindsay's birthday party which i've been looking forward to for almost a month now (since there are hardly ever any uarts parties anymore...or at least ones i get invited to because people fucking suck) and now i can't even fucking go.
the doctor (who i went to this past wednesday) told me my mouth won't heal for another 7-10 days. i knew i wasn't going to have the patience for this. ugh. and for some reason, even though i've been taking my medication exactly as directed, it doesnt seem like its getting better at all. god i hate this so much!!! RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!@$!#%@$^#%^@%&@$^*
okay i'll stop now. sigh. hopefully the next time i write here i'll be better again. peace.
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| oh the irony... |
[17 Oct 2007|01:34pm] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
i finally got my raise today...
i also found out today that worldwide at cherry hill is going out of business. we're closing down the store next month. but i might be laid off before then. like everyone else.
unemployment will be next up on my list. but after that? well i guess i should start looking for a little part time job around the area, but i know i won't be making the same amount of money, which SUCKS.
how ironic is that? kind of makes me want to chuckle...
not really.
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| dude. |
[16 Oct 2007|08:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chill. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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blood sugar sex magik |
] |
i am freakin obsessed with blood sugar sex magik. seriously, amazing.
that is all.
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| dude! |
[05 Oct 2007|01:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
wednesday was so awesome!
my teacher joe devito invited the class to come to his house so we can see his studio. he lives all the way in chalfont, PA...thats like a half hour north of me. so we all met up at his house and he showed us around in his studio (which was a very modified basement) but it was so cool! it was nothing but action figures, model cars, posters, shelves upon shelves of books and movies..it was really cool. he gave us a painting demo and showed us certain techniques, etc. he let us play with his puppy and ordered pizza for us and everything! haha it was a lot of fun, especially because only a few of us showed up, since he lives so far away. it felt like we were an exclusive club.
i say that because after seeing joe's work and really getting to know his stuff, this guy is the real deal. i didn't realize how prestigious this guy is, and i'm not exaggerating! he's worked for DC comics, he's done Marvel trading cards, he published his own King Kong book (and has a pending movie deal with it too) he's even gone so far as to sculpting religious statues and have them tour across the world. and he's 50 years old. this guy has done a lot. so to actually be a student in his class and have his expert advice on things is like...an honor. seriously. i guess only the artists would understand where i'm coming from haha. and you would think since he's so freakin talented and has achieved so much in his life that he'd be cocky or just a really tough critic, but he's the complete opposite. he's all about positive reinforcement. we showed him our color sketches for our current project, and when i showed him mine he was like, "wow! this is just excellent! good work, etc" and hearing that coming from him was just so great :) ...oh and get this! (for all you comic/art nerds) he personally knows Joe Jusko, Boris Vallejo and Julie Bell. how awesome is that?? maybe if i'm lucky i can get him to introduce me! haha!
i just wanted to share that because deep down inside i'm such an art nerd and it's just so freaking awesome. the end. :)
sweet. i have off today. no class because my other (hottt) teacher had a "religious thing" today so he cancelled class. and i don't have work on fridays so i'm free!! i think its time to celebrate with a few bong hits..hehe. lata!
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| i'm bored and i don't feel like doing homework. |
[01 Oct 2007|11:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Family Guy |
] |
i was in the middle of doing my color comp for joe's class. its fun to do, since it's a picture of an oompa-loompa surfing down a chocolate waterfall on a lollipop..and i'm doing it digitally. but staring at a computer screen while my back is ridiculously bent and using a lap-top mouse (meaning that flat thing you rub your fingers on) is very straining. i need to hook up my tablet. but anyway...
things have been going okay with my apartment. just a few annoyances, you know, the usual. i'm just so tireddddd. and i want bud...but no one is answering their phones...meh. i'm too tired to drive to center city at this time of night anyway. but i actually havent smoked all weekend. it's weird. now i'm just ranting.
i guess i was just trying to update things, but there's not much to update.
i love my sexy sexy boyfriend! <3
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| with a face like bob marley and a mouth like a motor bike |
[14 Sep 2007|03:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 tired |
] |
so i dropped my Age of Consumer Culture class and added Religion, Art, and the Apocalypse. i had that yesterday...not bad. i can definitely say it's better than the other class. and definitely more interesting. and lindsay's in my class! i'm so excited i havent seen her in a while. we decided to be partners for the team project we're supposed to do this semester. its gonna be cool.
meanwhile life in my new apartment's not so bad. the only thing that probably will bother me after a while is the drive. it takes a little while to get to center city, but whatev. i just gotta suck it up...and maybe go to sleep a little bit earlier. but speaking of which...
party at my apartment this saturday! well...not really a party party...just like a get together with a few good friends...with beer and weed and socializing. i don't really think its safe to have a big party at an apartment complex, so yeah...but anyway it'll still be fun! vicki and i are celebrating our birthdays (sept 6 and sept 17) so it shall be swell. let me know if you wanna come! (although i know no one will reply to this...you bastards.) haha. whatever.
anywayyyyy...now i'm just trying to kill time. i got out of class early but i can't go home and relax just yet because i need to fill in for someone at work tonight. it's only 2 hours, but it's just the fact that i'm not usually supposed to work on fridays but they need me tonight...and i've been awake since 6:30 in the morning...it SUCKS. i'm mostly just waiting for kort to get out of class around 5 anyway cause if i wasn't, i would've been at my parents' house already taking a nice long nap before work. but no...i need some certain goods...so i must wait. okay now i'm just rambling because i have nothing else to do right now and i bet whoever was reading this didn't feel like reading it anymore cause it's boring and i bet they don't even know i'm talking about it in this paragraph.
wow. all of that was pointless. haha. i'm gonna go. lata.
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| I GOT AN APARTMENT! |
[12 Sep 2007|11:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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yeahhhhhh |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fresh Prince of Belair |
] |
so i moved in on monday. two bedroom apartment in Northeast Philly with eddie, maiela, and vicki. so far it's been great! we've already hooked up the place pretty nice. and i've been hitting my bong all day today with eddie in our room cause we both had off today..and it just feels so good.
people better come and visit me! it shall be a grand old time. i believe my sister still owes me a bong for my birthday...and we're all also splitting for a hookah...yes! seriously, come and hang out! haha
now that i mention it, i am kinda high right now...i feel like eating some cookies and milk...love peace and chicken grease!
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| killing time... |
[07 Sep 2007|11:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
so i'm sitting in the computer lab in the basement at anderson hall right now. i'm on my lunch break but i'm not too hungry just yet...so i figured i'd write in here.
i have my illustration methods class today. so far it's been good. it's just been my teacher talking about life and stuff. no real work just yet. but i'm sorry, i have to say this. i already have a stupid little crush on my teacher! he's sooooo cute! black hair, light blue eyes with long lashes, fit body, good dresser. wow. i havent seen a teacher look so good since my freshmen year of high school (mr. stolarick haha). i just had to mention that haha.
but anyway...hmm...i guess i don't really have much else to say. so...i'm gonna go grab lunch now...love peace and chicken grease!
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